dad

I haven't seen my dad for more than a "hi" and "bye" in more than a month.  It's not just his fault, it's partly mine.  Our relationship used to be my rock, what supported me through some of the hardest parts of my life but it has changed since and now it feels like it was the rock thrown at me that lead to me shattering into a million pieces.  I should go over tonight and stay for dinner.  An awkward 3 to 4 hours spent at a home I used to live in but it now it feels like I'm visiting a museum, cold and foreign.  I'm unknown to him, we barely communicate anymore.  He is beyond disappointed at what I have turned out to be and yet I still yearn for his approval, for his love.  I should go over tonight but I have a final tomorrow and a 5 page paper due, neither of which I have started as of yet.  I can rationalize skipping out tonight but then next week I leave to Chicago for business and my mom convinced me to stay the weekend, meaning I will be missing his birthday.  I'm one hell of a daughter huh?