crying instead of sleeping

This week has been tough. Beyond tough actually. I officially ended it with my boyfriend, saw my ex which opened a flood gate of emotions, had two employees quit, interviewed 5 new people, had a serious heart to heart with my uncle and I not only saw my dad but he said and acted in ways which hurt me.

I need a father. I discussed that with my uncle. How I used to worship my father when it used to be just us two, before my mom had any interest in being my mother. Over the years we made some mistakes and my dad and I stopped being eachother everything. I know he loves me but he doesn't show it. It is the hardest thing I think I will ever do, going over his house and having him treat me like a stranger.

As I am laying down to go to bed I close my eyes and like I've done countless times I rehearse what I will say to my dad. I go over a new speech that will touch his very core and make him realize that I still need him, now more than ever. And just laying here in the dark with my words I notice my face is wet from the tears I've been shedding.

I need my daddy. I miss him more than I've ever missed anything. I need my daddy back.