Today could have turned out a million different ways. It is the thing that I have loved most about this life...the variables, the randomness, the coincedents or nonexistence of them. Perhaps today turned out this way because I had no expectations about it.
My ex and I were happy. We didn't fight much but we were both guarded and it created a fun but casual relationship that went on for almost two years which meant that it was much more than either of us admitted. I broke up with him because he hurt me and left. I felt my only choice was to actually say the words his actions cornered us into.
After I forgot about him as best I could. That is how my dad taught me to deal with pain. Forget the person, not the transgression. I forgot him until as of late I have been entirely unable to.
I saw him today for a completely benign and legitimate reason. I thought he hated me, I was so wrong. What I quickly realized is that I was happier in this awkward encounter than i had been in quite some time.
I am not rushing into anything and given myself homework: to come up with a rule book for my life. I'm sure at times I wil break them but I am determined to set them forth regardless so please stay tunned for those.
I do not know what will come of this. I am taking my life a moment at a time. All I know is that today I genuinely smiled for a few hours and I haven't done that in some time. Today I am happy. Today I am more than fine.
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